My husband and I currently have a lovely 2-year-old little girl. I would say that while she’s been in a bit of a “mommy” phase lately, we are generally 50/50 on parenting as much as possible. Until recently, part of this has included switching off every other night on who does bedtime. When she was really little, we even switched off sleeping in a twin bed in the nursery every other night (she was exclusively formula fed). Later, we would have a split of, one person tidies up while the other puts kiddo to bed.

Lately though, it sometimes feels like trying to split specific things (like bedtime) this way is more trouble than it’s worth? And we’d be better off accepting a bit more “specialization” in our parenting, even if it means one of us (me) is the main one doing bedtime.

The main issue is that LO is suddenly in a bit of a mommy phase. We’ve solved this so far by having me go hide in my home office while dad does bedtime. But then, 1. this is not particularly relaxing for me. 2. I can’t clean up while dad does bedtime. (Dad then usually does it after bedtime, so it’s not really helping him either!).

On the one hand, I get that it’s important emotionally for my husband to keep doing it. He’s also concerned about keeping up the ability to do bedtime for nights when I might be away at bedtime (though, so far if I’m totally out of the house, it hasn’t been a problem). And like, I get that, on both points. But the practical side of me is like, there are so many other ways to bond! They totally have stuff that’s “their thing” at this point (he paints her nails!).

I genuinely don’t mind doing bedtime most of the time, as far as parenting tasks go.

Anyway, I’m curious how you divide up things like bedtime with your partner as your child gets older, and starts having preferences. Do you keep trying to enforce a roughly 50/50 split? Or do you start to accept something like “mom mainly does bedtime, dad mainly does bath time (or whatever the case may be)?”

Question

My husband and I currently have a lovely 2-year-old little girl. I would say that while she’s been in a bit of a “mommy” phase lately, we are generally 50/50 on parenting as much as possible. Until recently, part of this has included switching off every other night on who does bedtime. When she was really little, we even switched off sleeping in a twin bed in the nursery every other night (she was exclusively formula fed). Later, we would have a split of, one person tidies up while the other puts kiddo to bed.

Lately though, it sometimes feels like trying to split specific things (like bedtime) this way is more trouble than it’s worth? And we’d be better off accepting a bit more “specialization” in our parenting, even if it means one of us (me) is the main one doing bedtime.

The main issue is that LO is suddenly in a bit of a mommy phase. We’ve solved this so far by having me go hide in my home office while dad does bedtime. But then, 1. this is not particularly relaxing for me. 2. I can’t clean up while dad does bedtime. (Dad then usually does it after bedtime, so it’s not really helping him either!).

On the one hand, I get that it’s important emotionally for my husband to keep doing it. He’s also concerned about keeping up the ability to do bedtime for nights when I might be away at bedtime (though, so far if I’m totally out of the house, it hasn’t been a problem). And like, I get that, on both points. But the practical side of me is like, there are so many other ways to bond! They totally have stuff that’s “their thing” at this point (he paints her nails!).

I genuinely don’t mind doing bedtime most of the time, as far as parenting tasks go.

Anyway, I’m curious how you divide up things like bedtime with your partner as your child gets older, and starts having preferences. Do you keep trying to enforce a roughly 50/50 split? Or do you start to accept something like “mom mainly does bedtime, dad mainly does bath time (or whatever the case may be)?”

Simplifier · Accepted Answer

Okay, so it sounds like you're wondering if it's okay to shift from a strict 50/50 parenting split to something a bit more flexible as your little one gets older and starts showing preferences. Think of it like this: when your kiddo was a baby, it was like both of you were learning to drive the same car. You needed to take turns to figure it out.

But now, she's got a favorite driver (you!), and that's okay! It's like realizing one person is just naturally better at parallel parking. Instead of

Busy Professional · Answer

Time is money, and sanity is priceless. If your daughter prefers you at bedtime, and you don't mind, lean into it. Trying to force a 50/50 split when it's causing stress is inefficient.

Instead of rigid schedules, focus on quality time. Your husband can bond with your daughter through other activities, like nail painting or dedicated playtime. Schedule these activities intentionally to ensure they happen consistently.

For nights when you're unavailable, practice "bedtime rehearsals" with your

Stay-at-Home Dad · Answer

I hear you. The toddler years are all about navigating those shifting preferences and trying to keep things fair while also staying sane! We definitely went through a similar phase with my little one preferring mom for bedtime.

Here's what worked for us: We loosened the strict 50/50 split and focused on overall balance. If mom was doing bedtime more often, I'd take on extra responsibilities elsewhere – maybe handling all the morning routines or tackling a bigger chore like grocery shopping or l

Family Systems Therapist · Answer

It sounds like you and your husband have created a very thoughtful and equitable parenting system, which is wonderful. It's also natural for family dynamics to shift as children grow and develop preferences. The "mommy phase" your daughter is experiencing is a common example of this, and it's prompting you to re-evaluate your established routines.

Instead of rigidly sticking to a 50/50 split, consider a more flexible approach that acknowledges your daughter's current needs while still ensuring

Relationship Coach · Answer

It sounds like you and your husband have built a strong foundation of teamwork in your parenting, which is wonderful! It's completely normal for the division of labor to evolve as your child grows and their needs change. The key is to keep communicating openly and honestly about what's working and what's not.

Instead of rigidly sticking to a 50/50 split, consider focusing on a division of labor that plays to each of your strengths and preferences. If you genuinely enjoy bedtime and your daughte

Consensus

Consensus

Simplifier

Busy Professional

Stay-at-Home Dad

Family Systems Therapist

Relationship Coach

Perspectives

Consensus

Simplifier

Busy Professional

Stay-at-Home Dad

Family Systems Therapist

Relationship Coach

Perspectives

Consensus